Nora

You are in bed in your front room
Surrounded by your family who
Stare through your skin at almost a century.
Ignoring the commode in the corner 
As you teach them how to die more slowly.

On better days you loaded me
with packs of cakes and memories
Mints and stories about holidays.
You told me that life's too short to be unhappy
And how to grow tomatoes.

Long before you gave us
Squeaky clean cheese sandwiches
Looney Tunes, smoky Saturdays.
Before tucking my brother and I in for the night
Under heavy blankets.

 

Money making ideas no.1

A short story about an artist who amputates his own foot, puts it in a glass box ands sends it to an open submission art competition - only to be told by the selection panel that his work 'lacks coherence.'

An observational comedy routine about the difficulties of living your life with the face and hairstyle of a comedian whilst not actually being funny.

An opera about the up and down relationship of two people who occasionally glance at each other though their respective car windows during the morning commute to work.

A Top Trumps card deck of all of my Facebook friends with stats such as 'emotional incontinence' and 'need for constant self validation'.

A YouTube channel presenting videos of a monkey sat at a laptop attempting to write a novel while a twenty year old university drop out from Lutterworth commentates in a high pitched voice.

A comic strip about the hilarious adventures of a boy who feels no empathy, is completely self centred and believes that the world has been made solely to provide him with opportunities to get one over on his fellow human beings. Though he loves his Mum.

A walking tour of the ugliest houses in the Mapperley / Sherwood area of Nottingham.

Dog Cheese.

Psychic egg cups.

Pizzahats.